Monday, November 18, 2013

Marriage: Notes from the field at six months (and some wedding photos, finally!)


Greetings from our six month anniversary, or, as Jordan insists on calling it, our six "monthiversary"(since we aren't counting years yet).

May 18th, 2013. That day, as all brides say, is a blur in my memory, but certain things do stick out fairly well. There are the sweet memories, like the way he looked at me over the altar as we both reverently spoke the word "yes" in confirmation of our eternal vows, even though we both wanted to shout it so loudly that it would ring through the halls of the temple. There are the funny moments, like when our grand entrance into our reception was announced, our guests cheered, the music for our first dance started playing, and......we were nowhere to be found! (No, no, nothing like that, I was just busy eating chips and guacamole, he was busy giving me a foot massage, we had no idea it was time yet.) There are the panicky then, silly now moments, like how when I was a little late that morning he legitimately thought I wasn't coming, that I was having second thoughts--but really, it was just that my hair took a while (he's now well-acquainted with this phenomenon). There's even a bit of regret that we didn't sit down to enjoy our cake (and then instead of freezing the top cake layer for us to enjoy later, MY FAMILY ATE THE LEFTOVERS THE NEXT DAY) (still not over it). And there are the truly exciting moments, like the grand exit we made as our loved ones sent us off, sparklers waving, to our hotel, to Mexico the next day, to our life together, forever. Like most brides would say, it was the very best day of my life. And what a perfectly lovely six months I have shared with my love since we were married in Los Angeles that sunny day in May.


Engaged couples and newlyweds are often given advice, solicited, unsolicited, sage, amusing... We love this--if I could pick the brain of every happily married 80 year old (and, for that matter, every unhappily married or divorced 80 year old), I would. In fact, we did just that at our reception, where we asked guests to offer their advice on recipe cards (yes, "recipes for love") and leave them for us to enjoy together later. Pearls of wisdom are contained in that box, people! I'll have to share some of those later.

For now, one piece of advice we received when we first got engaged sticks out the most. One of our relatives counseled us that the first year of marriage would be the hardest, and that the patterns we would establish in that first year would set the tone for the rest of our marriage, so we should create reasonable expectations. For instance, if I don't want to get stuck making dinner AND doing the dishes for the rest of my life (a grim prospect, admittedly), I shouldn't try to impress Jordan with my domestic goddess "I can do it all" skills during year one, only to be left wondering why HE never does the dishes years two through fifty. So the idea is to not over perform in this first year, setting ourselves up for a lifetime of exhausting overachievement (or disappointing underperformance) in the years to come.

Respectfully, we disagree.

We have spent the last six months trying our very hardest to set only the highest expectations for ourselves and each other, knowing that, just as we were counseled, we are establishing precedents against which we may be measured for the rest of our lives. We are trying our hardest to make sure that we are giving each other our best, from the littlest acts of kindness to the biggest gestures of generosity we can muster. Now, before I risk sounding arrogant, I freely share that even as I write this, I can think of five, ten, twenty times where one of us has failed the other and/or ourself. Even in these blissful first months, some days it has seemed like we're failing more often than we're succeeding. We're quite different, he and I, and we're both very stubborn when we want to be, which is often. And yet I know how dedicated he is to this cause, the cause of our life together, because I feel it and see it everyday, and I hope he could say the same. As it turns out, most days it isn't actually that hard at all--if this easy breezy year is somehow supposed to be the hardest, bring on the rest!


Anyway, I know that sharing my thoughts on marriage is something akin to a six month old sharing his views on life, so I won't go on. But I do hope I've managed to share an inkling of how much I treasure my marriage and love my sweet husband.

Now just a few more photos of the two of us from that wonderful day (more of our reception, wedding party, guests, and details coming soon).

^ I always make fun of wedding photos like this (for goodness sake, it's your wedding day! look like you love each other!), but I admit that I love this photo. I mean, the wind! My veil!

:::

More wedding photos here!

All photos taken by the lovely and talented Linda Arredondo--LA (and everywhere else) people, book her and tell her we sent you! Photos taken at the Los Angeles LDS temple, where we were married, and a private residence in Beverly Hills, where we held our reception.

5 Comments so far

  1. Beautiful thoughts. Beautiful people. Beautiful photos!!! I am very happy for you both!!! Love you!!

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  2. Thanks for sharing these beautiful thoughts Milan! So well expressed! You are such a wonderful example. Plus, you look absolutely ravishing in these photos!

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  3. beautiful photos, and i love hearing your perspective. now post some more photos, for goodness sake!

    (also, josh and i are pretty private people when it comes to love and intimacy together—i don't think we kissed for a single wedding photo, and i think the only time my family has seen us kiss was over the altar. haha. weird for some, maybe, but normal for us. it doesn't mean we love each other any less than people into heavy PDA.)

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  4. I, too, have to admit that I ended up liking some of the pictures akin to what I would have made fun of. I mean, they probably aren't my favorites, but I think it's the variety that I appreciate about them. And plus there's no way to wipe the magic off our faces so they all have something special about them. No matter how much he's not looking at me.... love ya!

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  5. Having just got married last week, I was eager to tell everyone about this place. We had the perfect wedding, thanks to their amazing service.
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